I have two children; one out of the house, and the other is still here, usually driving me some kind of crazy. :) I became right with God later in my life, and because of that, my youngest has had to make some adjustments as I made adjustments to "our" lives, living right for God. It has not been easy; hasn't been fun; but it has been worth it. My daughter has gotten right with God now, baptized just a few months ago. I couldn't be more proud nor more happy that she made that decision. It's not easy being a teenager in this day and age. Peer pressure is horrible, and at every angle. So, for her to step up and make the decision to devote her life to Christ is HUGE! To get there, however, was a battle.
I made serious adjustments to her TV watching, her computer access, her ability to go places with certain people, etc. To say that she was angry is probably putting it in its mildest forms. She protested at every turn, and I can totally understand. But, I had to stick to my guns and follow through. During one of our many many "talks" over the last few years, I came to this conclusion for her. God gave us free will to choose our way through life as we see fit. My job as her parent was to provide for her "the" way. I was giving her the choice. What do I mean? OK. I called the world's way normal. It's what she considered normal...what all her friends were doing. I told her that she "could" choose to live in the normal world, or she could choose to live in God's world. It was up to her, but at least she would have that choice!!! I was going to give her that choice. Then I went on to explain further what I meant. What she considered normal was riddled with pain and suffering as kids went from relationship to relationship, how they talked, how they dressed, etc. Despite all that, they never seemed very happy. Her best friend at the time was making horrible decisions and my daughter saw first hand the ramifications of them...and really took notice. Man did I use that!!! This girl was SO unhappy and so full of pain and suffered greatly. It broke my daughter's heart. In the end, as a parent, I had to make the decision to show my daughter that there is a better way...a way with less pain, less suffering. Did she like it? No way. Did she want to live this way? Absolutely not! She balked at every step for a long time. She's not perfect, nor will she ever be (at least not until Jesus comes again), but if you could see the beautiful lady now...brings tear to my eyes. She still drives me crazy, she still wishes she could watch whatever she wants, and she still wishes she could do whatever she wants, but when it's all said and done, I think she'll continue to make the right choice and follow God with her life. That would be my supreme accomplishment. That, I think, is the ultimate goal of a parent. I failed with my oldest, miserably, but I have made the right choices with the youngest, and for that, I'm grateful to God, my husband, and my church family. I couldn't have done it without them.
Most of the last few years, I've done all this alone, as my husband has been out of the country on business (lol...he's military). He was gone 10 months in 2009, 4 months in 2010, and will be gone all of 2011 and most of 2012. To say that it's been a struggle is putting it mildly. Loneliness creeps in very quickly, as does satan. God has gotten me through a lot (and I do mean A LOT) in the last year, and will continue to sustain me through the rest of this separation. If I weren't able to cling to Him, I'd not have made it this far. I'd probably be a rolled up ball of blah in the middle of my bedroom floor. I definitely wouldn't have had much care or concern for my daughter's well being, physically or spiritually. Sometimes we don't take time to sit back and take stock of our lives. I don't, but I am right now. Let me tell you, I can see the Hand of God everywhere around me--from my friends at church who check in on me to make sure I'm not balled up in the corner of the bedroom, to my pastor who checks in now and then, to the programs that I am a part of at church, and being able to serve Him by being the sound technician for our church band. It all plays a vital role in getting me through my days/weeks. I get VERY antsy when we don't have a mid-week service at church. I can't imagine not being there on the weekends, and even though the teachings are the same on Saturday and Sunday...I go on both days anyway. I go to see my family, to feel God, to hear His Word. I get something different out of each session I listen to...something I missed the time before. And, it gives me a chance to have my daughter in the church, hearing God's Word, being around other Christian teens, being influenced by something other than "the world." I'm telling you...IT MAKES A HUGE DIFFERENCE! When you can connect with God through your church family, through teachings, through fellowship, you know you have it made. There isn't anything like it. There is NOTHING like the Body of Christ!
Hugs
I think we can all agree that the concept of wellness is vast. I think we can all agree that it's important, as well. This blog will take hold of and discuss important aspects of wellness. I think you'll find this blog interesting as we tackle living a life of wellness...together. I'm open for any and all input. Please leave a comment if you have a question, and I'll work to get you an answer as quickly as I can. This is our journey. Let's live it well!
Friday, May 20
Thursday, May 19
Behavior theory
As some of you know, I am taking a psychology classes through Penn State. It's my first class (along with the astronomy class) that I've taken through Penn State. Right now we are going through a history of psychology. Reading this stuff as a Christian gives me a very different perspective on a lot of theories and beliefs, both back in ancient times, as well as current. I came across a portion of the text that is talking about behavior, and theories thereof. There is a group of psychologists who believe that all behavior is caused, either biologically, environmentally, or socioculturally. In and of itself, that's boring, and you're probably wondering why I"m blogging about it. Let me give you a quote from my text referring to environmentally caused behavior:
"Behavior theory emphasizes that environmental events play the key role in determining human behavior. The source of action lies not inside the person, but in the environment. ... If behavior theory succeeds, our customary inclination to hold people responsible for their actions, ... will be replaced by an entirely different orientation...one in which responsibility for action is sought in environmental events."
Is is just me, or does that sound like a recipe for disaster?!?! Holy buckets...we are heading toward a society who can do no wrong. It wasn't me...it was because I grew up with a dad who smoked. It wasn't me...I grew up with a brother who didn't pay any attention to me. You will be able to blame anything and everything on something in your life, but you won't be inclined to say, Yep, I did that and it was because I chose to do it. No more responsibility. I see this in society today. We have excuses for everything that's wrong. Our parents divorced. My brother was mean. My sister pulled my hair. My neighborhood was poor so I couldn't get a good education. You see excuses everywhere we look. Therapists who look to your childhood for why you are the way you are. Please, don't get me wrong; I understand how factors in your life can make you feel certain things or do certain things. What it boils down to, however, is no matter how bad your life is, you, as a human being capable of rational thought, still make the choices to do things. I had to learn that the hard way. I, too, blamed my "horrible" childhood for how I acted. It was easier. My scapegoat. I didn't have to take responsibility for the bad choices I was making. Made me feel better about myself. In the end...I was still choosing to make those decisions, and I was still responsible for those decisions. VERY tough to swallow, let me tell you. :) But, through therapy and God's mercy, I no longer use my past as my crutch in life. I no longer allow myself to blame something on my bad behavior. Sobering.
If you struggle in this area, I urge you to look deep inside and find for yourself the strength to admit that the choices you've made in your life were/are yours, and yours alone. Don't bend to societal thinking and play the blame game. Stand up, take charge, and fix it! It's liberating. Why? Because as long as you allow yourself to blame your past, so will you be a prisoner of it as well. Christ is THE LIBERATOR! Seek Him and you will find peace. If you want to know how, contact me and I will help you.
Hugs
"Behavior theory emphasizes that environmental events play the key role in determining human behavior. The source of action lies not inside the person, but in the environment. ... If behavior theory succeeds, our customary inclination to hold people responsible for their actions, ... will be replaced by an entirely different orientation...one in which responsibility for action is sought in environmental events."
Is is just me, or does that sound like a recipe for disaster?!?! Holy buckets...we are heading toward a society who can do no wrong. It wasn't me...it was because I grew up with a dad who smoked. It wasn't me...I grew up with a brother who didn't pay any attention to me. You will be able to blame anything and everything on something in your life, but you won't be inclined to say, Yep, I did that and it was because I chose to do it. No more responsibility. I see this in society today. We have excuses for everything that's wrong. Our parents divorced. My brother was mean. My sister pulled my hair. My neighborhood was poor so I couldn't get a good education. You see excuses everywhere we look. Therapists who look to your childhood for why you are the way you are. Please, don't get me wrong; I understand how factors in your life can make you feel certain things or do certain things. What it boils down to, however, is no matter how bad your life is, you, as a human being capable of rational thought, still make the choices to do things. I had to learn that the hard way. I, too, blamed my "horrible" childhood for how I acted. It was easier. My scapegoat. I didn't have to take responsibility for the bad choices I was making. Made me feel better about myself. In the end...I was still choosing to make those decisions, and I was still responsible for those decisions. VERY tough to swallow, let me tell you. :) But, through therapy and God's mercy, I no longer use my past as my crutch in life. I no longer allow myself to blame something on my bad behavior. Sobering.
If you struggle in this area, I urge you to look deep inside and find for yourself the strength to admit that the choices you've made in your life were/are yours, and yours alone. Don't bend to societal thinking and play the blame game. Stand up, take charge, and fix it! It's liberating. Why? Because as long as you allow yourself to blame your past, so will you be a prisoner of it as well. Christ is THE LIBERATOR! Seek Him and you will find peace. If you want to know how, contact me and I will help you.
Hugs
Tuesday, May 17
Should Wives Obey their Husbands
An email came across my inbox yesterday whose title was "Should Wives Obey Their Husbands?" If I had received that email 4 or so years ago, I would have promptly dismissed it with an indignant huff and permanently deleted said email, as well. But, when I saw that email yesterday, I did no such thing. In fact, I actually promptly opened it up to see what it was going to tell me. Now, let me take a slight detour here for a minute with you. This email came from Pastor Mark Gungor. Mark is engrained in my heart for quite a few reasons, one of which I must admit is pretty much saving my marriage. Another is for getting me to finally admit that I am completely and totally lost without Jesus. I've never personally met Mark Gungor, but have seen his marriage seminar on DVD and in person. Mark is a marriage proponent, and has his own internet radio show. You can find his resources at www.laughyourway.com. You won't regret it. Now back to the email.
I had to listen to the podcast of his internet radio show to see what he was talking about when he sent out the email. Well, it wasn't exactly on point with what I was thinking when I opened the email. Imagine that. lol. Anyway, if you want to hear what he has to say on this topic, go to his radio show archives and listen to 15 Mar 2011. It's in the very beginning. So, because he didn't go where I thought he would, I'll summarize what he said then go into what I really wanted to talk about. :) His point was that it's rare to hear men talk amongst themselves and complain that their wives don't obey them. However, if you get into a group of women talking about their husbands, it is quite common to hear them talk about how they cannot get their husbands to listen to them, i.e., obey them. Ladies, there is NO biblical reference for this type of thinking. No where in the Bible does it say that the husband is subject to listening to his wife. On the contrary, there is biblical reference for wives to do exactly that, which is actually where I wanted to take this post. :)
I will say up front that my post is going to be biblical in nature and as such could be foreign to anyone not familiar with this way of thinking. You are free to contact me if you have any questions. I am not by any means an expert, but do have resources to help. So, what does the Bible say about how a woman is to be towards her husband? A wife is to be a helper to her husband (Gen 2:18). If you read the Bible you'll soon see that the world "helper" is also the title given to God. Being your husband's helper is just you providing what is lacking in your husband. Every husband has places in his life that his wife can easily fulfill. In other words, being your husband's helper is no way implying you are inferior. So, what does it mean to submit to your husband, and why should we do this? Well, we should do this because God said so: Eph 5:22-24, 1 Pet 3:1, Col 3:18. The meaning behind submission is where this all starts to blur and become contentious for a wife. If you use what the world's perspective on submission, you will quickly steer clear of doing this. A few things that I learned from our church's Marriage Builders class concerning submission:
A. It helps him to lead because it helps him be the servant leader he is called to be.
B. It makes it easier for him to demonstrate unselfish love
C. It helps him be aware of his responsibility to care for you.
D. It helps him to trust you--submission's counterpart is resistance or opposition; trust grows in a climate free of competition and selfish desire.
If you seek to be equal in the marriage, you change your role from "helper" to competitor. In those homes where women seek equality, men tend to check out...emotionally and physically. (TCC Marriage Builders Class). What does this mean? Look, I'm not going to say it's easy; it's not. If your spouse is a godly man, he isn't going to lord over you. Submission truly comes into play when there is a decision that MUST be made and neither of you can come to an agreement. SOMEONE has to make a decision. This falls now to the husband. Remember, your first and primary purpose is to be God's girl. If you are being God's girl, you will follow His commands here and do what He asks of you. Your husband will be held accountable to God for his fulfillment of marital responsibilities. You may not like the decision, and that decision may not be the right one; however, remember that in the end, if your husband fails here, he will be held accountable for it, not you. You, my dear, have no worries if you follow God's principles.
That was definitely short and sweet concerning a huge topic. If there are subsequent questions, I'll be glad to clarify them. If I don't have the answer, I do have godly women to ask and get you any answer you need to help you in this area. I certainly hope you enjoyed this post. I enjoyed writing it. Helps to remind me of my own responsibilities in my marriage.
I didn't have anything humorous happen to me today other than I have a movie to watch this week of my choosing. It has to have a psychology theme to it, though. I asked FB friends if they knew of any, since I am not a movie buff. Well, one of my friends, who I'll allow to remain nameless here, but she exposes herself on FB, starts rattling off movie after movie after movie...and doesn't stop at the name of the movie. She proceeds to tell me who stars in each movie. I was like, wow. I can't imagine she has time for much else. LOL.
Love and hugs in Christ
Bobbie Jo
I had to listen to the podcast of his internet radio show to see what he was talking about when he sent out the email. Well, it wasn't exactly on point with what I was thinking when I opened the email. Imagine that. lol. Anyway, if you want to hear what he has to say on this topic, go to his radio show archives and listen to 15 Mar 2011. It's in the very beginning. So, because he didn't go where I thought he would, I'll summarize what he said then go into what I really wanted to talk about. :) His point was that it's rare to hear men talk amongst themselves and complain that their wives don't obey them. However, if you get into a group of women talking about their husbands, it is quite common to hear them talk about how they cannot get their husbands to listen to them, i.e., obey them. Ladies, there is NO biblical reference for this type of thinking. No where in the Bible does it say that the husband is subject to listening to his wife. On the contrary, there is biblical reference for wives to do exactly that, which is actually where I wanted to take this post. :)
I will say up front that my post is going to be biblical in nature and as such could be foreign to anyone not familiar with this way of thinking. You are free to contact me if you have any questions. I am not by any means an expert, but do have resources to help. So, what does the Bible say about how a woman is to be towards her husband? A wife is to be a helper to her husband (Gen 2:18). If you read the Bible you'll soon see that the world "helper" is also the title given to God. Being your husband's helper is just you providing what is lacking in your husband. Every husband has places in his life that his wife can easily fulfill. In other words, being your husband's helper is no way implying you are inferior. So, what does it mean to submit to your husband, and why should we do this? Well, we should do this because God said so: Eph 5:22-24, 1 Pet 3:1, Col 3:18. The meaning behind submission is where this all starts to blur and become contentious for a wife. If you use what the world's perspective on submission, you will quickly steer clear of doing this. A few things that I learned from our church's Marriage Builders class concerning submission:
A. It helps him to lead because it helps him be the servant leader he is called to be.
B. It makes it easier for him to demonstrate unselfish love
C. It helps him be aware of his responsibility to care for you.
D. It helps him to trust you--submission's counterpart is resistance or opposition; trust grows in a climate free of competition and selfish desire.
If you seek to be equal in the marriage, you change your role from "helper" to competitor. In those homes where women seek equality, men tend to check out...emotionally and physically. (TCC Marriage Builders Class). What does this mean? Look, I'm not going to say it's easy; it's not. If your spouse is a godly man, he isn't going to lord over you. Submission truly comes into play when there is a decision that MUST be made and neither of you can come to an agreement. SOMEONE has to make a decision. This falls now to the husband. Remember, your first and primary purpose is to be God's girl. If you are being God's girl, you will follow His commands here and do what He asks of you. Your husband will be held accountable to God for his fulfillment of marital responsibilities. You may not like the decision, and that decision may not be the right one; however, remember that in the end, if your husband fails here, he will be held accountable for it, not you. You, my dear, have no worries if you follow God's principles.
That was definitely short and sweet concerning a huge topic. If there are subsequent questions, I'll be glad to clarify them. If I don't have the answer, I do have godly women to ask and get you any answer you need to help you in this area. I certainly hope you enjoyed this post. I enjoyed writing it. Helps to remind me of my own responsibilities in my marriage.
I didn't have anything humorous happen to me today other than I have a movie to watch this week of my choosing. It has to have a psychology theme to it, though. I asked FB friends if they knew of any, since I am not a movie buff. Well, one of my friends, who I'll allow to remain nameless here, but she exposes herself on FB, starts rattling off movie after movie after movie...and doesn't stop at the name of the movie. She proceeds to tell me who stars in each movie. I was like, wow. I can't imagine she has time for much else. LOL.
Love and hugs in Christ
Bobbie Jo
Initial Post
Welcome to my blog. A little about me: Wife, mother, daughter, sister, aunt, friend...oh and retired Air Force MSgt (E-7). Love my life, including all the challenges that come my way. Refines and reforms me, allowing me to become more dependent on Him Who created me. I've been to a few cities/states/countries in my 20+ career: San Antonio TX; Biloxi MS; Hampton VA (where my two children were born); Grand Forks ND; Wichita Falls TX; South Korea; Wrightstown NJ; and Tucson AZ...oh and a stint in Afghanistan. Love Jesus and strive to live my life for Him. Am proud of my husband, Chris, for his contribution to this great nation as a MSgt in the Air Force performing a dangerous job as an Explosive Ordnance Disposal (EOD) technician, or bomb tech as it's commonly referred to. Thankful for my two children, Bryan and Taylor.
I will try to write something as often as I can. I am also taking college classes, so that may limit my ability to get on here daily, but I will try. I am going to use my title of Life, Faith, and Humor as my guidelines for each post, by commenting a bit on each category. I hope you enjoy this. I think it will be therapuetic for me, as well. :) Please feel free to leave me any comments. If you would like a topic discussed further, let me know that and I'll work on it for you. :) Tomorrow's post "should" be about "Should women obey their husbands?" I know...way to start off the Life/Faith categories. I'm sure my life, or that of my daughter, will provide humor for us as well. :)
Thanks for dropping by. Hugs and love in Christ.
Bobbie Jo
I will try to write something as often as I can. I am also taking college classes, so that may limit my ability to get on here daily, but I will try. I am going to use my title of Life, Faith, and Humor as my guidelines for each post, by commenting a bit on each category. I hope you enjoy this. I think it will be therapuetic for me, as well. :) Please feel free to leave me any comments. If you would like a topic discussed further, let me know that and I'll work on it for you. :) Tomorrow's post "should" be about "Should women obey their husbands?" I know...way to start off the Life/Faith categories. I'm sure my life, or that of my daughter, will provide humor for us as well. :)
Thanks for dropping by. Hugs and love in Christ.
Bobbie Jo
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