Being Real

I was reading a couple of blogs today, by a husband and wife going through their 4th deployment.  Between my husband and I, we have been through four deployments and a remote tour in Korea, so I felt a bit connected with them.  One thing that struck me about their blogs was their reality to struggles.  I struggle...daily...with one thing or another.  But I think out of fear of losing it, I suppress those struggles and continue to cope.  People think I'm this strong woman who blah blah blah...it doesn't matter.  This is my confession.  I'm not strong, or I don't feel strong.  I'm angry a lot about circumstances that are beyond my control.  I fight emotions on an hourly basis.  I want to scream and shout and jump up and down because I don't have it together.  But, like every other "good military spouse" we put on our happy faces and trek out into the world.  This is the face YOU see.  This is the person you are used to.  But to be real, I fight my own living hell day in and day out.  A hell that not many experience.  However!!!  I am also a woman, wife, mom, sister, cousin, etc., of faith.  I KNOW life sucks and I know it is going to be painful and bitterness creeps in at times.  I had an email conversation with a very good friend of mine (who will read this eventually) yesterday and she was truly concerned about me because last weekend I didn't have my "happy face" on and was seriously struggling with emotions, which I was having serious difficulty keeping in check for some reason.  People look up to me as this strong person who has it all together and now I feel as though I am lying to them.  God guides me through each and every day and my job is to ensure I have His full armor on.  I have to wake up each day and decide what I'm going to clothe myself in that day:  will I wear the clothes of Christ or will I not.  But I have to ask, does the clothing of Christ mean that I keep emotions in check and put on that happy face?  I sit here and am honestly wondering about this.  I am still human, so why do I try to act like I'm super-human?  Why do I suffer in this silent hell alone?  I can tell you some of it is I just despise crying!   I hate it with a passion.  I have to laugh because I don't hate it for any other reason than it makes my face look silly.  My eyes puff up and become red.  My contacts cloud over from tears.  My nose gets red from blowing it.  It's all vanity!  Am I serious?  Unfortunately, I am.  I think, however, that I'm going to find myself in a looney bin if I don't figure out how to handle all these pent up emotions.  I will tear up at the drop of a hat for Pete's sake.  I'm very serious.  There's a show on TV about military members surprising their families on their return from deployment.  I don't watch it for obvious reasons (cry city!), but was out to lunch with a couple of friends and they were TALKING about it.  Mind you we were just talking about it!  I started to tear up!  OMGosh!  Was I serious!  You have got to be kidding me, but there I was tearing up over the mere mention of this show!  Something's going to give here, and I'm going to need a river dug for my tears just to ensure I don't flood the house!  I truly feel my coming to the end of my rope. 

There will be a lot of Bible and quiet time with my Father over this because He is the only one who can help me through this.  If any of you have any verses that can help, I'm all ears.  I will meditate and study those verses til this passes.

It's like I'm almost done with this remote to Korea only to have to start a NEW separation 2 weeks later!  It's disheartening.  But, God will get me through, as will my wonderful friends at church, who I call family.  Thanks to all who help me through this life.  I am going to spend some time with my Father then maybe take a short nap.  I'm feeling a bit tired lately.  Probably should have my blood drawn again to check on my counts.  Could be anemic again and need some iron.  Who knows.  Could just be emotionally tired, too.  A nap should help with that, too. 

in Christ
Hugs

Thoughts...

I have been really feeling sort of depressed lately, and I tend to isolate myself from the world more for a self preservation reason than anything else.  But, it also is because I don't want to expose myself to people who might ask the "right" question and I have to actually answer it.  I didn't want to have to do that.  But, life goes on and so must I.  Church, the teaching, the people, and my friends there just have this way of taking everything that ails me and making it better.  I have one word for how it happens:  God.  I serve an awesome God, there is no other way to put it.   The teaching today was about how to triumph in life, God's way.  It was really good.  It's points were to remind us that we all fail, all fall short of the glory of God (Rom 3:23).  Just like oil and water never mix, never do God and sin.  And, just being good enough isn't enough...it just isn't enough.  We have to go through the process of getting right with Him and living right for Him.  Then, we are to learn from others, good or bad.  This is a hard one.  Most people, in my opinion, don't do this very well.  For some reason, we CONTINUE to think that our thoughts and ideas are so much better than others' ideas.  I was the same way.  I certainly didn't think my parents knew anything.  Didn't even want to hear what they had to say.  But, I look back, and I wish they had tried more with me.  I wish I would have heard the WHY behind the rules a bit more.  I would have loved to hear why I should have gone this way and done that.  I might have wanted to see their point of view.  Anyway, water under the bridge. I'm here now and that's all that matters, right?  All my failures have been washed away through belief in Jesus, confessing Him as my Lord and Savior, repenting of my sins, and baptism.  There is always hope in fixing a life if you just change the formula you use.   No one is too broken for God.  Check out this song Broken Pieces.  It is so fitting for me.  I have so many broken pieces, and God is slowly putting them back together, making me whole again.  It's a painful process, let me tell you.  But, I can do all things through God Who strengthens me.  He is faithful and just, and my broken pieces will be whole again, even if it has to wait until I see Jesus after I die.  But, someday, I will be whole again.

On a lighter note, I get to help out with the teens over the next couple of weekends.  This ought to be fun.  :)   We have a good bunch of teens actually.  Many have gotten right with God, and it's amazing to watch them grown in Christ.

Here's to you having a good day.  Hugs!

Love

I had an interesting conversation with someone tonight on the topic of love.  It was actually weird.  This person is going through a pretty nasty divorce and is hurt beyond measure.  I can't blame this person really.  The situation is really cruel.  But this person has found a new love interest (even before the divorce has been finalized) and claimed to be empty without the other person.  I thought about not saying anything, but chose to try to help anyway.  :)   In the end, the person thought my marriage was over and that my life was sad because of the way I see love.  I proceeded to explain that love was a choice I made regardless of how I felt.  The person came right back and said that it was the excitement, the joy, etc., that you feel with your spouse.  I came back with that's how the world tells you to think of love.  It's not how God sees love.  The person asked if I missed my spouse because he's away right now.  I said sure, but I'm  not empty because he's gone.  The person asked to describe how I felt in one word.  I said content.  Then the person tried to bring it from another angle and asked how I felt when my husband was home.  I said content.  I told this person that I choose to love my husband  no matter how I'm feeling that day, and that love is just that...a choice.  Love is also 1 Cor 13:4-8a.  Love is also speaking the truth to someone who needs it.  It's not a meant to be a feeling.  Jesus loves the sinners...but He tells them how it is...believe, confess, repent, and be baptized.  It's not based on His feelings for them...it's based on what's best for them.  This person thought that was sad.  I told this person that I will never again base my happiness on a mere person again.  God is my rock and I base my life on Him.  I told this person that my marriage was solid because I choose to love regardless.  You can't choose feelings...feelings come and go and are fickle.  I'm not saying that I don't love my husband.  I do.  And, I will love my husband regardless of how I'm feeling.  Sometimes that will require an intentional choice on my part.  It will require me to put aside ME (die to self) and focus on God and him.  If your vertical relationship with God is solid, you can do anything, go through anything, handle anything, and be anything.  I can do anything with God Who strengthens me.  It really is that simple.  No, it's not always easy.  But it does work.  It really is hard to talk about love with someone who doesn't have God as their foundation/priority.  God makes it very clear what Love is:  "Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant,  does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  Love never fails...." (1 Cor 13:4-8a).  Nowhere in there does it say it's a gushy mushy feeling.  It's work and a choice you make each and every day you're married.  BECAUSE I choose to do this, the feelings are there, NOT the other way around.  You must get rid of selfishness first before you can have a successful marriage. 

On a side note, my mustang is in the shop for repairs to his boo boo...he'll be all better soon.  In the meantime, I have a rental car:  Chevy Impala.  Really nice ride. I was actually shocked.  :)   Even my teen commented on how nice of a ride it was.  They need to fix my car soon so I don't get the itch to get a new car!  LOL.  But, I will save for my next car and pay cash...and probably buy used. 

Well, I should be off to bed now.  I really hope you all have Christ-centered day.  He is the Way the Truth and Life.... Live out loud!! 

Hugs!!

Time does fly...

I'm sitting in a Starbucks coffee house on the air force base as I type this.  Why?  :)  I'm waiting on my youngest, my "baby," to finish her college assessment tests.  Where oh where did the time go?  I mean really...my oldest is out of the house, in the Air Force, married, and already on a trip to Korea.  That makes me feel a bit old.  :)  My youngest is on her last leg in the house...in her senior year, taking college classes along with her HS school classes...and the HS is paying for them!!  Anyway...it seems like they should still be in grade school driving me all kinds of nuts.   But nope...now they're driving me nuts in a different way.  :D   I was emailing an acquaintance of mind earlier, trying to pass the time since this netbook doesn't have Microsoft Office and therefore I cannot do my schoolwork, and realized how long it had been since we "caught up" with each other.  She was asking how the kids were doing...lol. I was like...uh, I don't really have kids anymore...they're pretty much adult children now.  What a transition.  Now I have to wait for them to come to me for advice...I can't just impart my vast experience and knowledge on them on a whim anymore.  Well, I suppose I could, but I'm sure it wouldn't be appreciated.  :)   I did talk to my oldest a bit the other day and was talking financial things.  As I was telling him how to keep from getting into debt and other financial woes, I stopped.  I inwardly started a monologue...I've given him this info before, probably many times over his teen years.  So, I just stopped the conversation and said..."but I'm sure I've told you all this before...." and left it there.  He agreed, quite politely I might add, which is new.  LOL.   I am getting better at this.  I don't initiate many of the conversations anymore with my oldest...I let him come to me (or my husband).  He seems to really like it that way.  I think it makes him feel more in control of his life.  Sure, it was a harder transition than I anticipated, going from protector to a person who is there for advice...when requested.  But, I am doing it, and settling in to the role...slowly.  :)  I still have one in the house for whom I still am in the protector mode...and her leaving will have a huge impact on me, I can already tell.  My husband best be around for that day or I am not sure I'll be OK...lol.  She has grown into such a beautiful person.  I just cherish her.  I always thought my son would have my heart this way, but my daughter has taken over...maybe because it's just been her and I for the last several years (with my husband always gone for his job).  I'm not sure, but my son has always had my heart...until he got married...maybe that's it.  Who knows...what I do know is that I am going to be a mess when she leaves the house. 

I suppose I'll stop the sappy stuff...Besides, my daughter's done with her assessments...and passed them all!!  Can I get a Oh yeah!  :D  lol.

Til we chat again..

Hugs!

Happy 4th of July

As you BBQ and hang with family and friends this 4th of July, I ask that you remember a few things.  First, I ask that you remember what principles this nation was founded upon (notice that I didn't put "great nation" in there?).  If you read statements written/spoken by our nation's forefathers, you can quickly glean from them that the principles were founded upon Christianity.  Let's take a look at a few.

The general principles upon which the Fathers achieved independence were the general principles of Christianity...I will avow that I believed and now believe that those general principles of Christianity are as eternal and immutable as the existence and attributes of God.  [July 4th] ought to be commemorated as the day of deliverance by solemn acts of devotion to God Almighty.  John Adams

Without morals a republic cannot subsist any length of time; they therefore who are decrying the Christian religion, whose morality is so sublime and pure...are undermining the solid foundation of morals, the best security for the duration of free governments.  Charles Correll (signer of Dec of Ind)

God governs the affairs of man.  And if a sparrow cannot fall to the ground without his notice, is it probable that an empire can rise without His aid?  We have been assured in the Sacred Writings that except the Lord build the house, they labor in vain that build it.  I firmly believe this.  I also believe that, without His concurring aid, we shall succeed in this political building no better than the builders of Babel.   Ben Franklin

An appeal to arms and the God of hosts is all that is left us.  But we shall not fight our battle alone.  There is a just God that presides over the destinies of nations.  The battle, sir, is not to the strong alone.  Is life so dear or peace so sweet as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery?  Forbid it, Almighty God.  I know not what course others may take, but as for me, give me liberty, or give me death.  Patrick Henry

"It cannot be emphasized too strongly or too often that this great Nation was founded not by religionists, but by Christians; not on religions, but on the Gospel of Jesus Christ. For that reason alone, people of other faiths have been afforded freedom of worship here."  Patrick Henry 

We have staked the whole future of American civilization, not upon the power of government, far from it.  We've staked the future of all our political institutions upon our capacity...to sustain ourselves according to the Ten Commandments of God.  James Madison

We are walking away from God as a nation, and that means we should take the word "great" out of our vocabulary when we talk about the USA.  We can be great only as long as God remains at the head of our nation.  Once we lose sight of God, our nation will fall.  

Another thing I'd like you to think about is that while we most certainly think about all those who serve, have served, and have paid that ultimate price for this nation, we must first acknowledge and profusely thank the One Who paid the ultimate price for ALL:  Jesus Christ.  He wrote a check with His Life, and we can cheer because that Check cleared!  Thanking Him seems belittling for this selfless act of love.  Thank Him with your life...praise Him, live right for Him...that's a much better way of showing your gratitude.  And, He did it for everyone...you included!  How will you repay His selfless act of love for you???

Lastly, I ask that on this Independence Day, we do stop and pay respects to those who have given their lives for this nation, that we say a prayer for their families who are left to grapple with life void of their loved one.  I ask that you keep those currently serving in your prayers as well, for protection from harm, danger, and evil.   If you have a chance to thank one, do so.  It goes a very long way. 

Now, let me be a bit clear on something...Christianity does not encompass all religions who claim that title.  Catholicism is NOT Christianity.  You cannot use/read/abide in anything other than the Bible as your source of God's Word; and you cannot elevate anything or anyone to the same status as God/Jesus and be considered a Christian religion.  Sorry.  More on that if you'd like, but that'll suffice for now.  

I hope you all had a great Independence Day, and have a super, God-filled, Christ-centered week.  Til we meet again...

Hugs

Equality

I had a very pleasant, but interesting, lunch with friends from back when I was still active duty Air Force.  I get together with a couple of them nearly weekly, and occasionally a few more tag along.  It's great to catch up with them and I really enjoy their company.   As is usually the case, the conversation turned to something pretty emotionally charged...women in combat.  After expressing my opinion--hee hee--the conversation took a slight detour to gender equality.  Well if women in combat wasn't interesting enough, gender equality took it up a notch.  :)   You know, having a God-centered world view really changes your attitude, and I think it changes it for the better.  My complete and humble opinion about gender equality is it's stupid.  I know...I know, I said the "s" word.  I apologize up front.  I'm calling it what it is though.  Women who continuously strive to be a man's equal are doing themselves SUCH a disservice. When a woman does that, she isn't elevating herself to a man's level, she's LOWERING herself to a man's level.  Now men, please don't leave just yet.  :)  I'm not at all a man basher or hater.  A man has his role to fill and a woman has hers.  It's considered the traditional view or the church view.  Whatever the view, it stands the test of time.  Women trying to become a man's equal is just crazy.  Look, before the whole feminist movement took hold and started getting women believing they were missing out on something, women had it pretty good.  They were revered, respected, admired.  They were treated as women, NOT as one of the guys.  Women required men to act a certain way around them, talk a certain way, etc.  Women were men's reason to grow up.  Now, we're just one of the guys.  Our demeanor is the same as the guys.  We have the filthy mouths and dirty minds, etc.  We no longer require the men to grow up and act more mature.  There is a statistic that says that adolescence is now into our 30s.  How far into our 30s will we go before we wake up and realize we are killing off America?  We have fewer kids, more toys, more divorce, more pre-marital sex, more living together, more adultery...we have horrible morals.  Why?  The breakdown of the family.  We aren't teaching the next generations how to live.  We aren't giving the next generation the tools to make it in relationships, marriages, or life in general.  We don't require them to grow up.  Women, your making yourself equal to a man brought you DOWN to his level, not up.  It is leading us down the wrong path and wrecking family after family.  The only way we can reverse this trend...the women have to stand up and say we don't want to be just one of the guys anymore.  We want to be women!  It's the only way it will ever happen.  If men say it, the feminists will have a field day with discrimination. 

We really do need to get back to women being the nurturing party to the family.  Women need to get back to requiring the men in their lives to respect women for women, not as one of the guys.  Women, don't let the guys talk nasty around you.  Don't let them steal your innocence.  Make them wait til marriage.  Don't allow them to tell dirty jokes, etc.  If men want to do that...go have a men's night out.  Get it out of your system and then come back home and be respectable men again.  The biggest point to all this remains:  women...you lowered yourselves to become equal to the men.  You lost out...you didn't gain anything.  Now you're just one of the guys and they don't treat you with hardly any respect whatsoever.  It's quite sad.  And, to attempt to regain some of that respect, you lower yourself further by talking like a man, having that foul mouth and dirty mind...giving up your innocence to them in order to allow you to "think" they like you and respect you.  That's not respect.  That's delusion.

I hope you all have a great, Christ-centered day!   God's blessings to you.

Who is the Brains behind your operation?

We had an excellent teaching this today and I need to blog about it.  The verses that were referenced were Psalm 139-11-16.   Here goes.

The analogy of the Body of Christ, with Jesus as the Head of the Body and our human bodies was made.  We are born with a finite amount of brain cells.  We don't get any more.  Christ is the same then, now, and forever (Heb 13-8).  He doesn't change either.  Our body cells, however, are all new within 7 years...so every 7 years, we have a new set of cells.  The cells in our body actually get to "decide" if they want to listen to what the brain is telling them.  The cells of the Body of Christ are...you and me, and we get to decide as well whether we want to listen to what the Brain (Jesus) is telling us.  The cells of your body can and do affect the other cells within the body.  You and I, as cells within the Body of Christ, can affect the other cells within the Body, too.  We have to care, then, how well we are, as well as how the other cells are, functioning within the Body (Rom 2:17-24).  The human brain has no pain receptors...it feels no pain itself.  But, it feels the pain for all the rest of the cells in the body.  Christ feels no pain Himself...but feels all the pain we inflict when we sin (Eph 4:30, 1 Thess 16-22).  We must stay focused on our objective to live a life worthy of Christ Jesus.  We will all stand before God and the question we will have to answer is:  Was Jesus the Brains of your life...was He in charge?  How will you have to answer that?  How will I have to answer that? 

That was Part 1 of this teaching.  To say that I cannot wait for Part 2 is an understatement.  Now...I have to apply this.  Any suggestions?  :)

I hope you all have a great evening.  I'm thinking it's time for bed very soon.  I had a very nice conversation with a few teens from the church last night.  The group that we have for them on fb has the IM function, and they have decided to use it.  We were talking about relationships, and what a guy needs most from his wife and what a gal needs most from her husband.  It was fascinating to see them absorb the information and actually thank me later for chatting with them.  You know, if we can reach the teens...and get them to value marriage, we can start reversing the divorce trend and begin saving families...one teen at a time.  I'm so passionate about this.  It will be my calling, I think.  I hope.  I pray.  :)

Until next blog....

Quick Hello

Hey.  It's been a really long time since I blogged about much, but I had a few moments (OK, I really don't have a few moments, but I'm taking them) and thought I'd say hello.  I'm not sure how many of the individuals I invited into my world here actually read this, but I do know their locations (I have an app on my page that tells me where folks are from that have clicked on my page).  I have always been a fairly passive person for the most part, not really wanting controversy in my life.  I recently stood up for myself and have really been black listed.  I wasn't rude, of course in my opinion, but I was very firm, that I didn't want the blame of something long ago on my head any longer.  It wasn't until I took control of my own thoughts and actions that I came to the realization that no matter what happened to me in my past, I was still responsible for what I did now and in the future.  I couldn't keep saying that my past predicted my future.  I wanted to be free of the prison in which my past was keeping me.  It's been a long and arduous road, but I'm finally free and now the mistakes I make, and they are many, I own.  It is a more difficult place to be because you don't have the freedom to blame people or events.  It is freeing though.  I just wanted that freedom for others...I was black listed.  I have to be OK with this as there isn't much I can do about it.  It's just such a strange turn of events.  But, sometimes the more you help someone, the more they pull away.  I am usually running towards help from people, so this concept baffles me to no end.  Maybe someday I'll be able to figure this out...but not today.

I think I've blogged about this before, so I will stop.  I do hope you all have a wonderful day.  It's crazy hot here, triple digits, and my A/C has been running non stop, or so it seems.  I know it's not.  Please be safe in all  you do and remember, God loves you and desires a relationship with you through Jesus.  Don't wait!

A very hot topic

There are a few fundamental questions that everyone asks:  Why do bad things happen to good people is one.  Another is why bad people seem to prosper even when they attack the good guys.  The why bad things happen is a whole ball of wax in and of itself, but I can help anyone who has that question.  This post is going to center on how to handle unjust treatment from guilty people.  We received this teaching in church today and it was profound, let me tell you.  I'll summarize it for you real quick, then try to see if we can apply it to our lives.

The teaching came out of Jeremiah 11 and 12.  The first point Pastor David made was to Call is as God sees it.  Jeremiah 11:1-4  basically says that God's requirement of us is to listen to Him and obey Him.  This has never changed.  Later in Jeremiah 11, in verses 9-11, it tells us that God's people, in this case the southern country of Judah, were not following God's laws whatsoever.  God says here that He is going to bring disaster to Judah, and even if they cry out to Him, He will not listen.  The next point is that unjust attacks are just part of the deal.  God was asking Jeremiah to try to get Judah to repent, but instead of repenting, Judah plotted to kill Jeremiah (Jer 11:19).  Jeremiah was a victim of "don't shoot the messenger."  God sent him to give Judah a message and Judah was shooting the messenger.  Jeremiah then asks God to take vengeance on Judah on his behalf (Jer 11:20) and God says, OK (Jer 11:22-23).  Wow, wouldn't that be nice, huh.  Pray to God for Him to punish those who wrong us.  What a concept.  Let's take this teaching farther though.  The next point is that God's justice for us personally rarely comes fast enough.  After God says OK to Jeremiah (the end of chapter 11), some time passes and we enter Jeremiah 12 where we find Jeremiah talking to God asking Him WHY?  Why is Judah still around, still prospering, still having children (Jer 12:1-4).  This would have been a good time for God to tell Jeremiah to just forgive these people who have wronged him.  Isn't that what most churches teach...arbitrary forgiveness?  You hear it all the time.  Just forgive him/her.  You will feel better.  1 Cor 5:1-5 says that God is delivering someone to Satan for the destruction of his flesh.  This person was being immoral to a degree that even the Gentiles didn't go.  Gentiles were the people who didn't follow God, believe in God, etc.  Doesn't sound like forgiveness to me.  In Galatians 1:8-9, God says that any man who preaches bad doctrine is to be accursed.  Doesn't sound forgiving either.  Further in Galatians, 5:12, talks about taking circumcision a bit farther than normal.  That's definitely not sounding very forgiving.  God doesn't call us to arbitrarily forgive.  Remember something:  the whole world lies in the power of the evil one (1 John 5:19) and our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of darkness, against spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places (Eph 6:12).  We are on enemy territory everyone!  Why do I tell you this now?  God didn't tell Jeremiah he would have to wait for God's vengeance on Judah.  God immediately said, OK, remember?  But, Jeremiah was still waiting while Judah still prospered.  What gives?  Let's check out a story in Daniel.  It starts off in Danial 10.  Daniel is fasting for 3 weeks (21 days) asking God for help.  Once you get to Dan 10:12, you read that an angel had come to Daniel to explain to him that he was sent to his aid the first day that Daniel started fasting and asking for help.  In verse 13, you read, however, that he was detained by an angel of darkness (prince of the kingdom of Persia) for 21 days and was finally freed by another angel named Michael.  WOW...did you read that?  Daniel had been fasting for 21 days, and it took the angel 21 days to be freed from the prince of the kingdom of Persia.  BUT...God sent help immediately!  We are on enemy territory!!! 

With that being said, the next point in the teaching is endurance is a drag, but is necessary.  Let's head back to Jeremiah 12 and start with verse 5-6.  God here is telling Jeremiah that if he's already tired and weary just dealing with men, how is he going to make it when things get really tough?  Sounds like God is telling Jeremiah to "man up, dude."  Hebrews 10:36 says "For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God, you may receive what was promised."  Hebrews 12:1-4 starts out "Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us" and ends with "You have not yet resisted to the point of shedding blood in your striving against sin."  Folks we have not endured anything like Jesus did on the cross.  So, let's put on our Big Boy and Big Girl pants and man up.  This is a race of endurance...we need to be in it for the long haul.  Something else in Jeremiah 12 is verse 6, "For even your brothers and the household of your father, even they have dealt treacherously with you."  Ouch.  How many of us have had our own families turn against us when it comes to God's Truth?  I know I have.  It tells us over and over in the Bible that this will happen.  Put on your Big Boy/Girl pants and move on to win the race. 

The last point is God is always working on the fix to our problem, and it comes from Jer 12:7-8 and 12-17.  We have to remember that God is working behind the scenes on our behalf, but because of our choice to sin, He can only do so much.  Remember, we are on enemy territory...this world lies in the power of the evil one.   Remember also, that if someone DOES repent, we are to forgive them and have compassion on them, just as God has forgiven us and has compassion on us. 

So, we need to stop shooting the messengers of God, those who speak truth to us whether we like it or not.  We also need to stop being afraid that people will shoot you, the messenger, too.  Speak God's Truth...always.  We also need to remember that God IS working on our behalf, but we must wait on His timing and also remember that we're on enemy territory and sometimes God just can't get to us as fast as we'd like. 

I hope you enjoyed that.  I thought that teaching was profound and needed shared.  If you have any questions, please let me know.  I'd be happy to chat with you about this topic or any other topic. 

G'night...sleep tight
Hugs!
Bobbie Jo

Teen Trip

This past week I was on a trip with 21 teenagers ranging from 12 to 17, along with two other chaperons.  To say that I'm still tired would be an understatement.  I was not able to get any homework done for my college classes, so I am now having to make up for that on top of being tired.  I'm not at all complaining though.  I had a good time.  There was a disturbing trend, however.  A lot of the teenagers were clueless!  O-M-Gosh!  :)   Simple things like wiping off a counter or table proved to be a daunting task for some of these kids.  It was amazing to watch this transpire.  I'm almost afraid for this next generation.  I did notice another characteristic on this trip.  It was quite fascinating to watch peer pressure play its game within the dynamic of this group of 21.  There were the loners, the leaders, and the followers, as there are in most settings.  What made it fascinating was watching how solid foundations in Christ played a roll.  I watched the teens who have a solid Christian foundation, those who actually live it out in their daily lives, interact with each other.  Then I was able to watch those teens who have the foundation, but it was pretty obvious they didn't live it out in their lives.  There was also a small group of teens who didn't have any foundation in Christ, and you could definitely tell them apart.  The unfortunate side of this was watching the teens who have the foundation but don't live it out get sucked into the group with no foundation.  That was quite sad.  I can attest to the fact that teenagers should NEVER be left to their own devices!!!  They can come up with some pretty dumb ideas.  I did see the core teen group rally around each other and support each other.  That dynamic was awesome.  They obviously live out their faith, and you can't ask much more from a teenager today.  For them to stick to what's right, despite what the "popular" crowd was doing, was amazing.  I have a new found respect for a few of the teens, and hope to work with a few others in the weeks/months to come.  If we can reach this age group and give them a working knowledge of how to do life right, we could change the next generation of families.  I could go on and on about what that means, but I'm fading pretty fast now and need to send a quick email to my hubby. 

Praise God for the safety of the teen trip and for the relationships that were formed.  May He open the hearts and minds of all those teens who were on this trip to desire a Christ-centered life.  I pray that you, too, are centered in Christ, and are actively living out that faith.  God's best to you and your family. 

Hugs
Bobbie Jo

An old addage

Hello friends.  It's been a few days, and I apologize.  My life's been amazingly busy but oh so fulfilling this past week or so.  We had a few EOD deaths (and deaths of military members across many careers) over the holiday weekend/week.  It has been a bit tough, but I made it through, thanks in large part to God.  I've also had to put my youngest on an airplane all by herself.  That wasn't much fun.  I know, I know...she's 17, she'll be fine.  But, it was hard for me.  She had a connecting flight in Chicago, and I was a bit of a nervous wreck about that.  Again, I made it though as God protected her on her trip.  I am still muddling through my summer classes, which are shortened versions of regular semester classes, and still keeping my head above water there...although doing this instead of homework isn't the brightest decision I made today.  :)   I did get to FB chat with my husband today, and that was a huge blessing.  He brightens my day no matter what kind of day it started out as.  I also was able to finally get a hold of my mother-in-law (had been trying since Mother's Day!).  She broke her toe.  I've decided to get her the Stay Puff Marshmallow Man costume and put her in it!  This poor lady is always doing something to herself.  :D  

Last weekend, we had a teaching in church on "How to Live so that Your Life 'Memorializes' God."  It was a great teaching!  The Bible verses it was based on are 1 John 3:1-10.  I won't put the whole passage here, but you are certainly encouraged to look it up for yourself.  The teaching had implications in my life that I'd actually been struggling with lately, and God just knows each and every time, what I need to hear.  It's so amazing to see Him at work in my life.  The first point of this teaching was "Be Willing to Take the 'Heat' for 'Dad'."  That to me is huge.  You protect your kids so people don't hurt them.  You protect your family, your friends.  But, are you willing to protect Truth?  Are you willing to stand in the gap and say, "no, you are not going to attack God in my presence" or "no, that is a sin and it's going to send you to hell."  When you are born into a family, you don't have any choice over who that family is.  But, the awesome thing about God...he chooses His family (Romans 8:15-17).  He chooses all of us, but only a fraction of the world will find Him and get right and live right for Him.  A fraction (Matthew 7:14).  The next point about taking the heat for 'Dad' is John 15:18-20, which says:

"If the world hates you, you know that it hated Me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, because of this the world hates you.  Remember the word that I said to you, 'A slave is not greater than his master.' If they persecuted Me, they will also persecute you; if they kept My word, they will keep yours also." 

If you think about it, that passage right there should tell us what kind of reaction we should get from people who have no interest in God, Jesus, or the Bible.  I am here to tell you, it is quite true.  I've seen it first hand, and it hurts!  But, if you can, find solace that Jesus knows exactly what you're going through, has been there, and will stay right by your side through it all.  He's cool like that.  :D   The next point of the teaching was "Live to Make 'Dad' Proud."  This is a good discussion point.  How do you do that, and in the end hear Jesus say, "Well done, good and faithful servant...enter into the joy of your master?"  I tell you, this is crucial!  It's also the hardest part.  Which brings us to the third point of the teaching: "Don't Live in the Gutter When You Have a Place in the Mansion."   Let's face it, sin is sin, and there isn't any way we can clean it up and make it look better.  Just one sin, no matter how small, separates us from God.  We will sin...it's inevitable, and that sin will separate us from the Holy God.  If you're right with Him, seek Him and ask for forgiveness.  It will be done.  Baptism wipes your slate clean, but it doesn't prevent you from sinning again.  It is a conscious effort every second of every day that you must make to follow God with your life.  But, remember a couple of verses:  1 John 4:4, "...greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world."  1 Corinthians 10:13, "And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.  But when you are tempted, He will also provide you a way out so that you can stand up under it."   God does NOT tempt you (James 1:13), but you will be tempted by Satan.  When you are, God will be there and will not let it get so bad that you can't handle it.  Oh darn, there goes your "the devil made me do it" excuse...whoosh...right out the window!  :)  Yes, you CAN overcome any temptation that comes your way.  God doesn't lie...He told you right there in 1 Cor 10:13 that you will not be tempted beyond what you can bear.  He also tells us in that same verse that He will provide a way out for you!  The 1 John 4:4 passage about greater is He, well God is greater than Satan.  Greater is He (God)...than he (Satan) who is in the world.  Satan has lost the war, but Satan deceives you into thinking that he has a chance.  Satan is just trying to take down as many people as he can.  He's trying to take you with him...every single second of every single day!  I digressed a bit, so the last point of the teaching is "Don't Ever Believe that the Way We Live is Insignificant to God."  We must reject sin and destroy the works of the devil.  We must also ensure we are not deceived by others (1 John 3:7-10).  That passage tells us that we can tell the difference between God's people and Satan's people.  One snippet of that passage, "No one who is born of God practices sin...."  So, if you have unrepentant sin in your life, please understand that God doesn't lie.  You will be judged for the way you live your life.  I urge you to get right and live right for God if you aren't doing this already.  Getting right with God is a matter of believing in God, Jesus and the Bible, confessing Jesus as your Lord and Savior, repenting of your sins (turning away from sin completely), and being baptized as an adult.  If you are interested, please let me know.  I'll try to help you with that process. 

I hope you have a great day.

Hugs!

Heavy heart

The death of another of Chris' friends (Kristoffer Solesbee) has had an impact on me today.  As I struggled to work through it, I talked to God, asking Him for His help, trying to figure out why this is so hard on me, yet again.  I truly believe I felt God's pain today as another person has lost his chance to get right with God.  For the first time, I think, I didn't feel the pain of losing a friend.  I feel the pain of losing the chance to have another brother in Christ.  I am struggling a lot with what to do with this, as I know that if I attempt to reach out to the predominantly anti-God, hateful, yet close-knit group called EOD, Chris could potentially be ostracized.  You can NOT have that when your life depends on your teammate having your back to survive!  Not sure where that leaves me, however.  Maybe it's not the EOD community He wants to reach, although they sure could use Him, as all military could.  I just don't know where all this pain will lead me, but I do place my trust in Him. 

My thoughts also go to a place where I can envision the souls who aren't right with God as they realize God was indeed true, heaven is indeed a place, and hell is a harsh reality.  I see the look on their face, their astonishment, their "oh no!" moment as they descend.  The pain God must feel as another child has to face his eternity.  Heart wrenching!!!  Reminds me of a song our church wrote called The City.  It is based on Matthew 9:36-38.  It goes:

Oh the city, it stretches out there before you

And you don’t know what to do.  Is it friend or foe?

Well you know they need Jesus but you’re not sure how to see them

Do you love fear or hate them you just don’t know

Jesus looked into the eyes of a city full of people

Who didn’t love Him or listen to what He said

He knew they were confused and sad like sheep without a shepherd

So He wept and loved them because He felt so bad
Oh the city, it stretched out so far before Him

And He saw their real burden lost just like sheep

And He looked past their faces to their hearts that were hurting

They were standing on the edge getting ready to leap
So He turned to those who followed Him

Who had left it all to be like Him cause He wanted them to see

Just like He sees and He told them

There’s so much to do. We gotta have some help to see us through

These people are ready for God, but you are the key
Oh the city, it stretches out there before you

And we’re now the key to opening the gate

Our world is still hurting and they need compassion

We need to love, work n’ weep for them before it’s too late
Well the people in the world aren’t just pagans or sinners

They’re people we must love and not fear

 So Jesus asked His Father to send us out into the harvest

To point the way and bring back lost sheep because they’re so dear
Oh the city, it stretches out there before you

Now what are you gonna do; the city sits and waits
You can reach out for Jesus and show them love that they’re needing

And start a party in heaven when you bring em’ through the gate!!

That song always makes me cry because I feel useless and afraid.  I have a hard time talking to people about God, Jesus, and the Bible.  It stems from certain people who were once close to me rejecting me because I turned to Jesus.  I'm a fake and a fraud in their eyes because, I'm guessing, I'm not perfect and still make mistakes.  I try to rely on passages out of the Bible for guidance and relief:

Jesus is talking in Luke 12: 51-53, "Do you suppose that I came to grant peace on earth?  I tell you, no, but rather division; for from now on five members in one household will be divided, three against two and two against three.  They will be divided, father against son and son against father, mother against daughter and daughter against mother, mother-in-law against daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law

Jesus is again talking in Matthew 10: 34-36, "Do not think that I cam to bring peace on earth; I did not come to bring peace, but a sword.  For I came to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; and a man's enemies will be the member's of his household."

But, it is still hard.  It is time for me to go have some alone time with God, as I dearly need some more today.  I pray God blesses you with His best in your life and if you aren't right with God, I pray that you take that step and prevent a vision of your own "oh no!" moment. 

Hugs

Bobbie Jo

Being an EOD Wife, Part 2

I was thinking a lot about my post from yesterday and wondered if I encapsulated what it means to be an EOD wife.  I think I was off in my ramblings.  I'm going to try again here.  My first inclination that I was wrong in my thoughts yesterday came from a post I saw on an EOD Wives page (I am a member of three, one of which I created).  The posting was about people wearing the "crab" without earning it.  Now, when I say crab, I am talking about the EOD badge...they call it the crab.  This crab is very sacred, for lack of a better word.  Those who graduate from the school are given this crab--no, they are the crab.  It is imprinted on everything they are, imprinted on themselves.  It is a serious rite of passage.  Most, if not all, at least have it tattooed on their bodies.  There are even actual EOD techs who apparently don't think their wives should be "allowed" to wear the badge on clothing or a tattoo, etc.  It is that sacred. 

Here's where I take slight offense.  EOD techs have to worry about their jobs, hence their lives as I explained in my previous post.  When they are deployed, we are instructed, via unwritten rules, not to stress our techs so they can keep their mind on the task at hand.  VERY UNDERSTANDABLE.  Now, that leaves the wife to handle all matters at home, including children if there are any.  We are talking all upkeep, bills, kids, work, etc.  Our tech now has NONE of that responsibility.  Now, because of the constant threat of death for our techs, we have that on top of everything else.  We "deploy" along with our husbands, just not across the pond.  We wear the badge just as much as they do.  Every deployment there is a vast amount of emotions that play a part.  While they are traveling to their destination, we are left with the pieces of separation, loneliness, kids missing dad, etc.  They are kept fairly busy, while we have to juggle life and readjust schedules to accommodate a missing piece.  When my husband lost his best friend from high school, I picked up the pieces.  I grieved with him.  When he lost three more friends that same year, I grieved right along with him, helping him along the way.  I played therapist as he struggled with it all.  I played nurse to his many injuries and surgeries.  When he came back after a very difficult deployment where he was shot at and attacked, I had to deal with him and his mental state.  I was left to figure out how to handle this "new" man because war had taken the man I married.  I, too, am EOD!

I didn't wear the "crab" initially because I understood its meaning to the actual EOD tech.  I wasn't EOD nor did I care to be.  But it didn't take long for me to realize that I was just as much a part of that career as my husband was, if not MORE.  So for anyone to try to take that away from me, well let's just say they better come with some big guns cuz they will have one heck of a fight on their hands!  I earned my crab just as my husband did.  I may not disarm bombs or make safe IEDs or perform bomb sweeps, but let me tell you, I am EOD.  I will wear that crab with pride, and as a token of my love for my husband. 

Well, now that I got that off my chest....  :) 

Hugs to all

Being an EOD Wife

I was asked what it exactly means to be an EOD Wife.  EOD, Explosive Ordnance Disposal, is unique in and of itself.  They are a group of mostly men (but there are some women in the field) who, as best I can describe them, are a bunch of cowboys bent on fame.  LOL..I'M KIDDING CHRIS!  Just wanted to get you going!  Love you!  ha ha.  OK...on a more serious note...and correct me if any of this is wrong, Chris.   And Becca, if you read this, by all means give us your perspective, too. 

EOD spans all four major services (AF, Army, Marine, Navy).  They all go to the same school, training together.  They deploy in teams always.  Their job by nature is quite dangerous.  Their motto:  Initial Success or Total Failure, if you think about it, is so very true.  If they don't dispose of the munition correctly the first time, there usually isn't a second chance at it.  Of course, they are very heavily relied upon in Iraq and Afghanistan, but if they aren't deployed 6-10 months out of a year, they are TDY (temporary duty -- business trip in the corporate world) quite a bit elsewhere.  They are always training.  They work closely with federal agencies doing bomb sweeps.  It's a line of work that isn't for the faint of heart.  Most of them are Type As who, because they need to always be right, tend to forget they don't always know everything.  (sorry hon...)   They work hard.  They play hard.  They face death every time they encounter their work.  I think you have to be a tad on the crazy side to do that, but that's just me.  I do love my crazy man, though. 

Now, the wives.  Well, I think you will find a whole lot of different perspectives on this actually, based on age, number of deployments, coping abilities.  Like I said, even when they are home (not deployed), they are putting in long hours, TDY for this or that...heaven help us during election time!  An EOD wife would benefit from being a little self-sufficient (as all military wives should be).  It really is hard for me to give an overview of what it means to be an EOD wife.  I have such different perspectives.  But, when they are gone, it will never fail...something will go wrong at home.  I don't care what it is.  I had a truck tire blow out on me going 50 miles an hour.  I had a leak in the A/C unit in the garage.  I had to put down a much loved (and my own) dog.  I retired just weeks before he left on another deployment.  My stang gave me fits with the battery...again!  It's always something.  There's all the emotion of deployment prep, then the departure, then the first weeks of truly feeling alone.  Finally, you find routine (and that's usually when something goes wrong).  Depending on the mission they are on during deployment, you hear from them daily, every few days, etc.  That always varies.  Now most of that is true of any military spouse.  What EOD wives already know is the danger our guys are in each and every time they go on a mission.  You have to somehow come to grips with that.  You have to rely totally on their abilities, their training, their level-heads.  You don't tell them much about what's going on at home...they have enough to worry about...this is an unwritten rule...don't stress your spouse while deployed.  SO, you're truly alone sometimes in dealing with life.  You don't have a spouse to bounce things off of.  I guess that's where other EOD wives come in.  I've not ever been a member of the group here in Tucson, so I don't really know how it works.  I had my own career for some of my marriage to Chris, and that kept me focused and supported.  It was only when I retired and did not have that daily adult interaction that I came to understand a bit more what being a spouse of a military person is truly like.  If you don't work, and you are at home with your house and/or children, and you don't have a network of friends...oh baby, you're gonna be a huge mess while your spouse is gone....and you're going to stress your spouse out every time he/she calls!  WOW, can life without a spouse get lonely....if you're used to having one.  :)   That was a huge adjustment for me in 2009.  Huge.  I didn't have daily adult interaction and I was feeling slightly outta my mind.  :D   It is important for EOD wives to stick together and take care of the ones whose husbands are gone.  They need to be able to talk to others, not just kids all day, day after day.  They need breaks from the kids.  I'm somewhat rambling now.

EOD is dangerous.  All of us wives know this ahead of time.  If not, shame on our husbands for not enlightening us to that fact.  EOD is gone quite a bit, leaving us alone quite a bit.  There is a huge amount of pride that goes along with being EOD, and I think wives tend to have it, too.  They don't know everyone in the career field, but they know a lot.  If they're not deploying with them, they are going TDY with them.  EOD is small compared to most other fields in the military.  That also means the wives probably know a lot of other wives.  It's a community.  It's a community of wives whose husbands have one of the more dangerous jobs in the military.  lol...something funny came to mind.  I'm guessing EOD

Well, my dear friend, "Lisabob," I hope this answered your question.  If not, shoot me an email. 

In Christ
hugs

Life with children

I have two children; one out of the house, and the other is still here, usually driving me some kind of crazy.  :)   I became right with God later in my life, and because of that, my youngest has had to make some adjustments as I made adjustments to "our" lives, living right for God.  It has not been easy; hasn't been fun; but it has been worth it.  My daughter has gotten right with God now, baptized just a few months ago.  I couldn't be more proud nor more happy that she made that decision.  It's not easy being a teenager in this day and age.  Peer pressure is horrible, and at every angle.  So, for her to step up and make the decision to devote her life to Christ is HUGE!  To get there, however, was a battle. 

I made serious adjustments to her TV watching, her computer access, her ability to go places with certain people, etc.  To say that she was angry is probably putting it in its mildest forms.  She protested at every turn, and I can totally understand.  But, I had to stick to my guns and follow through.  During one of our many many "talks" over the last few years, I came to this conclusion for her.  God gave us free will to choose our way through life as we see fit.  My job as her parent was to provide for her "the" way.  I was giving her the choice.  What do I mean?  OK.  I called the world's way normal.  It's what she considered normal...what all her friends were doing.  I told her that she "could" choose to live in the normal world, or she could choose to live in God's world.  It was up to her, but at least she would have that choice!!!  I was going to give her that choice.  Then I went on to explain further what I meant.  What she considered normal was riddled with pain and suffering as kids went from relationship to relationship, how they talked, how they dressed, etc.  Despite all that, they never seemed very happy.  Her best friend at the time was making horrible decisions and my daughter saw first hand the ramifications of them...and really took notice.  Man did I use that!!!  This girl was SO unhappy and so full of pain and suffered greatly.  It broke my daughter's heart.  In the end, as a parent, I had to make the decision to show my daughter that there is a better way...a way with less pain, less suffering.  Did she like it?  No way.  Did she want to live this way?  Absolutely not!  She balked at every step for a long time.  She's not perfect, nor will she ever be (at least not until Jesus comes again), but if you could see the beautiful lady now...brings tear to my eyes.  She still drives me crazy, she still wishes she could watch whatever she wants, and she still wishes she could do whatever she wants, but when it's all said and done, I think she'll continue to make the right choice and follow God with her life.  That would be my supreme accomplishment.  That, I think, is the ultimate goal of a parent.  I failed with my oldest, miserably, but I have made the right choices with the youngest, and for that, I'm grateful to God, my husband, and my church family.  I couldn't have done it without them. 

Most of the last few years, I've done all this alone, as my husband has been out of the country on business (lol...he's military).  He was gone 10 months in 2009, 4 months in 2010, and will be gone all of 2011 and most of 2012.  To say that it's been a struggle is putting it mildly.  Loneliness creeps in very quickly, as does satan.  God has gotten me through a lot (and I do mean A LOT)  in the last year, and will continue to sustain me through the rest of this separation.  If I weren't able to cling to Him, I'd not have made it this far.  I'd probably be a rolled up ball of blah in the middle of my bedroom floor.  I definitely wouldn't have had much care or concern for my daughter's well being, physically or spiritually.  Sometimes we don't take time to sit back and take stock of our lives.  I don't, but I am right now.  Let me tell you, I can see the Hand of God everywhere around me--from my friends at church who check in on me to make sure I'm not balled up in the corner of the bedroom, to my pastor who checks in now and then, to the programs that I am a part of at church, and being able to serve Him by being the sound technician for our church band.  It all plays a vital role in getting me through my days/weeks.  I get VERY antsy when we don't have a mid-week service at church.  I can't imagine not being there on the weekends, and even though the teachings are the same on Saturday and Sunday...I go on both days anyway.  I go to see my family, to feel God, to hear His Word.  I get something different out of each session I listen to...something I missed the time before.  And, it gives me a chance to have my daughter in the church, hearing God's Word, being around other Christian teens, being influenced by something other than "the world."  I'm telling you...IT MAKES A HUGE DIFFERENCE!  When you can connect with God through your church family, through teachings, through fellowship, you know you have it made.  There isn't anything like it.  There is NOTHING like the Body of Christ! 



Hugs

Behavior theory

As some of you know, I am taking a psychology classes through Penn State.  It's my first class (along with the astronomy class) that I've taken through Penn State.  Right now we are going through a history of psychology.  Reading this stuff as a Christian gives me a very different perspective on a lot of theories and beliefs, both back in ancient times, as well as current.  I came across a portion of the text that is talking about behavior, and theories thereof.  There is a group of psychologists who believe that all behavior is caused, either biologically, environmentally, or socioculturally.  In and of itself, that's boring, and you're probably wondering why I"m blogging about it.  Let me give you a quote from my text referring to environmentally caused behavior:

     "Behavior theory emphasizes that environmental events play the key role in determining human behavior.  The source of action lies not inside the person, but in the environment. ... If behavior theory succeeds, our customary inclination to hold people responsible for their actions, ... will be replaced by an entirely different orientation...one in which responsibility for action is sought in environmental events."

Is is just me, or does that sound like a recipe for disaster?!?!  Holy buckets...we are heading toward a society who can do no wrong.  It wasn't me...it was because I grew up with a dad who smoked.  It wasn't me...I grew up with a brother who didn't pay any attention to me.  You will be able to blame anything and everything on something in your life, but you won't be inclined to say, Yep, I did that and it was because I chose to do it.  No more responsibility.  I see this in society today.  We have excuses for everything that's wrong.  Our parents divorced.  My brother was mean.  My sister pulled my hair.  My neighborhood was poor so I couldn't get a good education.  You see excuses everywhere we look.  Therapists who look to your childhood for why you are the way you are.  Please, don't get me wrong; I understand how factors in your life can make you feel certain things or do certain things.  What it boils down to, however, is no matter how bad your life is, you, as a human being capable of rational thought, still make the choices to do things.  I had to learn that the hard way.  I, too, blamed my "horrible" childhood for how I acted.  It was easier.  My scapegoat.  I didn't have to take responsibility for the bad choices I was making.  Made me feel better about myself.  In the end...I was still choosing to make those decisions, and I was still responsible for those decisions.  VERY tough to swallow, let me tell you.  :)   But, through therapy and God's mercy, I no longer use my past as my crutch in life.  I no longer allow myself to blame something on my bad behavior.  Sobering. 

If you struggle in this area, I urge you to look deep inside and find for yourself the strength to admit that the choices you've made in your life were/are yours, and yours alone.  Don't bend to societal thinking and play the blame game.  Stand up, take charge, and fix it!  It's liberating.  Why?  Because as long as you allow yourself to blame your past, so will you be a prisoner of it as well.  Christ is THE LIBERATOR!  Seek Him and you will find peace.  If you want to know how, contact me and I will help you. 

Hugs