Heavy heart

The death of another of Chris' friends (Kristoffer Solesbee) has had an impact on me today.  As I struggled to work through it, I talked to God, asking Him for His help, trying to figure out why this is so hard on me, yet again.  I truly believe I felt God's pain today as another person has lost his chance to get right with God.  For the first time, I think, I didn't feel the pain of losing a friend.  I feel the pain of losing the chance to have another brother in Christ.  I am struggling a lot with what to do with this, as I know that if I attempt to reach out to the predominantly anti-God, hateful, yet close-knit group called EOD, Chris could potentially be ostracized.  You can NOT have that when your life depends on your teammate having your back to survive!  Not sure where that leaves me, however.  Maybe it's not the EOD community He wants to reach, although they sure could use Him, as all military could.  I just don't know where all this pain will lead me, but I do place my trust in Him. 

My thoughts also go to a place where I can envision the souls who aren't right with God as they realize God was indeed true, heaven is indeed a place, and hell is a harsh reality.  I see the look on their face, their astonishment, their "oh no!" moment as they descend.  The pain God must feel as another child has to face his eternity.  Heart wrenching!!!  Reminds me of a song our church wrote called The City.  It is based on Matthew 9:36-38.  It goes:

Oh the city, it stretches out there before you

And you don’t know what to do.  Is it friend or foe?

Well you know they need Jesus but you’re not sure how to see them

Do you love fear or hate them you just don’t know

Jesus looked into the eyes of a city full of people

Who didn’t love Him or listen to what He said

He knew they were confused and sad like sheep without a shepherd

So He wept and loved them because He felt so bad
Oh the city, it stretched out so far before Him

And He saw their real burden lost just like sheep

And He looked past their faces to their hearts that were hurting

They were standing on the edge getting ready to leap
So He turned to those who followed Him

Who had left it all to be like Him cause He wanted them to see

Just like He sees and He told them

There’s so much to do. We gotta have some help to see us through

These people are ready for God, but you are the key
Oh the city, it stretches out there before you

And we’re now the key to opening the gate

Our world is still hurting and they need compassion

We need to love, work n’ weep for them before it’s too late
Well the people in the world aren’t just pagans or sinners

They’re people we must love and not fear

 So Jesus asked His Father to send us out into the harvest

To point the way and bring back lost sheep because they’re so dear
Oh the city, it stretches out there before you

Now what are you gonna do; the city sits and waits
You can reach out for Jesus and show them love that they’re needing

And start a party in heaven when you bring em’ through the gate!!

That song always makes me cry because I feel useless and afraid.  I have a hard time talking to people about God, Jesus, and the Bible.  It stems from certain people who were once close to me rejecting me because I turned to Jesus.  I'm a fake and a fraud in their eyes because, I'm guessing, I'm not perfect and still make mistakes.  I try to rely on passages out of the Bible for guidance and relief:

Jesus is talking in Luke 12: 51-53, "Do you suppose that I came to grant peace on earth?  I tell you, no, but rather division; for from now on five members in one household will be divided, three against two and two against three.  They will be divided, father against son and son against father, mother against daughter and daughter against mother, mother-in-law against daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law

Jesus is again talking in Matthew 10: 34-36, "Do not think that I cam to bring peace on earth; I did not come to bring peace, but a sword.  For I came to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; and a man's enemies will be the member's of his household."

But, it is still hard.  It is time for me to go have some alone time with God, as I dearly need some more today.  I pray God blesses you with His best in your life and if you aren't right with God, I pray that you take that step and prevent a vision of your own "oh no!" moment. 

Hugs

Bobbie Jo