I was thinking a lot about my post from yesterday and wondered if I encapsulated what it means to be an EOD wife. I think I was off in my ramblings. I'm going to try again here. My first inclination that I was wrong in my thoughts yesterday came from a post I saw on an EOD Wives page (I am a member of three, one of which I created). The posting was about people wearing the "crab" without earning it. Now, when I say crab, I am talking about the EOD badge...they call it the crab. This crab is very sacred, for lack of a better word. Those who graduate from the school are given this crab--no, they are the crab. It is imprinted on everything they are, imprinted on themselves. It is a serious rite of passage. Most, if not all, at least have it tattooed on their bodies. There are even actual EOD techs who apparently don't think their wives should be "allowed" to wear the badge on clothing or a tattoo, etc. It is that sacred.
Here's where I take slight offense. EOD techs have to worry about their jobs, hence their lives as I explained in my previous post. When they are deployed, we are instructed, via unwritten rules, not to stress our techs so they can keep their mind on the task at hand. VERY UNDERSTANDABLE. Now, that leaves the wife to handle all matters at home, including children if there are any. We are talking all upkeep, bills, kids, work, etc. Our tech now has NONE of that responsibility. Now, because of the constant threat of death for our techs, we have that on top of everything else. We "deploy" along with our husbands, just not across the pond. We wear the badge just as much as they do. Every deployment there is a vast amount of emotions that play a part. While they are traveling to their destination, we are left with the pieces of separation, loneliness, kids missing dad, etc. They are kept fairly busy, while we have to juggle life and readjust schedules to accommodate a missing piece. When my husband lost his best friend from high school, I picked up the pieces. I grieved with him. When he lost three more friends that same year, I grieved right along with him, helping him along the way. I played therapist as he struggled with it all. I played nurse to his many injuries and surgeries. When he came back after a very difficult deployment where he was shot at and attacked, I had to deal with him and his mental state. I was left to figure out how to handle this "new" man because war had taken the man I married. I, too, am EOD!
I didn't wear the "crab" initially because I understood its meaning to the actual EOD tech. I wasn't EOD nor did I care to be. But it didn't take long for me to realize that I was just as much a part of that career as my husband was, if not MORE. So for anyone to try to take that away from me, well let's just say they better come with some big guns cuz they will have one heck of a fight on their hands! I earned my crab just as my husband did. I may not disarm bombs or make safe IEDs or perform bomb sweeps, but let me tell you, I am EOD. I will wear that crab with pride, and as a token of my love for my husband.
Well, now that I got that off my chest.... :)
Hugs to all
Hi Bobbie Jo.
ReplyDeleteMy training told me to talk to my husband about the goings on back home. Let him know how things are going, whether or not I had a bad day or a good day, what happened, etc. It keeps things real so the work there doesn't get monotonous (I really think I spelled that wrong). If they sit and disarm bombs all day, that's all that they think about. If you tell them things going on back home, it keeps them realized that there is a home for them and that's where they need to get back to. Now, I still take care of everything, but I keep him in the loop as to what is going on.
I do not, I repeat, I do not tell him EVERYTHING, I limit things, but I do keep it real, I do let him know when things go bad. BUT my husband is also the type where he wants to know what is going on, he wants to make sure that I am okay and that I am okay. The first deployment with him as EOD (he's a cross-trainee) I didn't sleep. I had to drink myself to sleep and I didn't eat right (cereal and ramen were my staples). It bothered him quite a bit and he knows it was a bad time for me.
I also don't lie to my husband while he is away. He knows me too well, so if something is on my mind, he can tell and will ask me about it. But I don't see the problem with telling my husband things, as it does keep it real and he does not get lost in the job. It keeps Jiminey Cricket in the back of his mind knowing what he has to come home too.
Again, don't get me wrong, when it comes time for the job my husband has 100% focus on that, he does NOT let the home life interfere with what he is currently doing in Afghanistan, he is not that type of person. When he is back at his base, that's his release, let me talk to my wife and find out what is going on. My husband is all about the job, when it is needed. :)
I almost sound like a contradiction, but what I said is the truth, but I also do understand that not every relationship is the same and not every EOD tech handles things the same way. This is how my husband and I have to operate and it does work. He would be more focused on me if I didn't tell him anything.
Hugs!